Oct 8, 2023 use of common phrases/idioms

 Use these phrases:

*It's not rocket science

*Call it a day

*Barking up the wrong tree

*It ain't over until the fat lady sings

*The whole nine yards

*He's off his rocker

It's About Time

Carrie Keiser

Jimmy rolled over and checked the clock, 4:15 am, he might as well get up, there’s little chance he’d get back to sleep before his alarm went of at 5. His mind would not quiet, kept mulling over the days tasks. He sat up and said aloud, “It’s not rocket science, Jimmy!”  Shook his head, swung his long legs off the edge of the bed and stood up. Jimmy rummaged through his drawers for some clean underclothes and shuffled off to shower. With his eyes closed and the warm water running over his face, the list scrolled down his eyelids like the credits of a movie: shower, check; breakfast; drive to work; address the board and present his findings…. That was the cause of Jimmy’s stress. He was afraid they would all give him crazy eyes and say under their breath or possibly right out loud, “He’s off his rocker?”  Could he handle that kind of reaction?  Maybe he should call in sick and try again tomorrow?  No he had to be an adult and go the ‘whole nine yards’

Jimmy needed to focus, driving while distracted was not an option, he must arrive safely. On the seat next to him, sat a thick folder of his research… it was the culmination of the last 10 years. The findings would likely shock the board, let alone the world when word got out. He had been given a lot of grief and laughed at by the science community, they didn’t believe in his theories and never took him serious. He’d had to fund the research from his personal coffers. Time travel was possible, not for everyone though. Jimmy had discovered that given the right genetic makeup and being in the right places on the earth, you could travel. He had spent untold hours perfecting the ring dial, functional and discrete. The wide silver bracelet consisted of three panels that turned and within the year ring, the ability to select any possible year with the flick of a finger. Once you had the device dialed in and you were standing on the ley lines, on night of a full moon, you would would be sent to the new time.  

His mind drifted back to that first time, he’d been so nervous when he tried it. He’d been about to ‘call it a day’ standing at the base of Mount Shasta, when the full moon rose into the sky, there was an almost imperceptible shimmer and then goosebumps covered his arms, a slight breeze ruffled his hair. Jimmy wasn’t sure anything had actually happened, but he soon noticed that the trailhead marker was no longer there and the rock spirals were all missing. This surely must be a different time.  He quickly adjusted the bracelet to his own time and crossed his fingers that he could make the return trip under the same moon. Jimmy closed his eyes, said a little prayer and turned the last ring to 2023, stepped into the moon light and again felt the goosebumps. His eyes flew open at that, and as he cast them about, he saw the rock spirals and the trailhead marker. Heart beating too fast, he almost passed out, it had truly worked! He had then travelled to several other ley lines over that last year taking short voyages into the past. He had done research and acquired proper attire for his forays into the past so that if he met others they would not find his clothing odd. Jimmy had recruited different friends to come along with him and that was how he found you needed certain genetic markers or you’d be left behind. That was a drawback of course people would feel discriminated against, but the first hurdle had been overcome, time travel was possible, at least for some. He’d keep researching the genes to see if he could isolate the specific markers, afterall ‘it isn’t over until the fat lady sings’ and he didn’t see any fat ladies singing. He laughed, quietly to himself, as he pulled into the parking lot and prepared to share his findings with his colleagues. He passed a few people on his way to the conference room, catching snippets of their conversations: “He’s barking up the wrong tree, George will never fund that!” Jimmy glanced back over his shoulder, trying to see who had been speaking and if they were headed to the conference room. He rounded the next corner and entered the room. Ten pair of eyes turned to watch him walk in and set his bulging folder on the table. He wished they were meeting at the nearest ley lines on the full moon so he could include a demonstration, but this would have to do. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, then turned to address the room.

There Goes the Neighborhood

Ryanne Leavitt

Oh how Fred wanted to just call it a day, go home and put his feet up and ignore the rest of the world, but that wasn’t in the cards.  No, he had to remain on duty, protect the compound from the intruders while Steve and his team of scientists tried to come up with a solution.  They had been barking up the wrong tree for the last three weeks and things were starting to get serious.  

You may be wondering what was going on and why was Fred so involved, and you see that is part of the problem.  You, like 95% of the worlds population, have been in walking comas.  What do I mean by that? I mean, your memories of the last year don’t actually exist.  I can hear your dissent, I can hear you saying, what are you talking about I remember going to work, kids ball games and the whole nine yards.  And, true, you have those mundane memories, that is what they want you to remember.  Who is this “they” I keep referring to…the invaders, that is who!  

Wait!  Wait, before you leave shaking your heads, thinking “he’s off his rocker” (like the previous fifteen times I have tried explaining it) hear me out!  Please!  Settle down!  I will trying to answer all your questions, just let me explain.  Just watch the footage Fred over there caught nearly 13 months ago, then you will all understand our need to protect this compound with our lives if necessary.  There isn’t any usable sound recordings, unless you want to hear the frantic Fred as he tries to wrap his brain around the evolving situation, so I will be commentating. 

See that disk in the sky….don’t take your eyes off it.  As you are witnessing, it is coming closer to Fred, that, that beam of light right there, the one lighting the whole sky, that is what changed it all. That moment is when all but 5% of the world’s population became blind to the invasion.  As you can tell it was right from the get go.  

Oh crud!  Fred!  Fred get in here.  Go get Steve, it’s happening again!  Well, I guess that answers a question we didn’t even know needed to ask!  Even viewing a recording of the moment seems to have the same effect!  I know they say it ain’t over until the fat lady sings and all, but how does one combat an enemy that can do this sort of thing.  

Again Fred, Steve and I wish we could just go home, like everyone else and not know the threat that is everywhere, but no where they can see.  It’s not rocket science it’s something far more complicated and Steve and his team are feeling far out witted by those attacking their world unopposed.

Crossed Words

Aaron Leavitt

The whole “infiltrating the human race” thing had seemed much easier when Twift first heard the recruiting speech and  volunteered. Training had been intense, but he’d had always been good in a study setting. But then he had actually arrived on Earth, and been assigned to his “base pod” of companions. Suddenly everything felt very real. Twift’s mimetic mask that disguised him so carefully itched constantly, it wasn’t debilitating, but definitely distracting. And the language was stupefying, it made so little sense, he always came home with a headache, if not for all the little gadgets and assists that he’d been given, he was sure he’d have blown it by now. 

On this particular day Twift woke up, and pulled on his mask, massaging it to settle it into place, testing it to make sure the micro-actuators were making the right expressions. Then he grabbed his Idiomatigraph, and almost had a panic attack. It wasn’t charged! He’d forgotten to place it in its cradle last night, so he was going to be on his own to try to remember all the bizarre phrases these people used. Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad, maybe it would be fine? 

Bracing himself, he strode into the main living area. Yolt looked up, “Good morning!” 

Twift sighed, “I forgot to charge my Idiomatigraph! But I’m sure it’ll be fine, it’s not done until the large woman yodels, after all.”

Yolt, gave him an odd look “I think you mean ‘it ain’t over until the fat lady sings’?”

Twift sighed, a little deeper this time, “I thought I said that right. Ugh, this should be easier, this isn’t self propelled projectile studies after all!”

Leffen shouted from the other room, “you mean ‘it’s not rocket science’ synonyms don’t quite work here.”

Twift sat down at the table, and covered his face with his hands. “Maybe if I just sit in this one spot all day long and stare at the floor everything will just go away”

Yolt laughed, “Yeah, I don’t think that is going to work too well, not showing up will definitely draw attention”

Twift groaned miserably, “but it is so tempting to just name it a solar cycle and be done.”

Leffen laughed out loud this time and strode through the doorway “‘Call it a day’ is what you’re looking for, you’re going to have a very interesting day today”

“I really don’t know what I’m going to do, just throw myself into this, really cover the entirety of the 8.23 meters”

Yolt rolled his eyes this time, “whole nine yards, it’s impressive that you can be wrong this many times in this few sentences”

Twift slouched even lower and said, “Everyone is going to point at me and say ‘That guy fell off his wobble chair.’”

Leffen was now doubled over in laughter, he barely gasped out “…off his rocker” between guffaws.

Twift was now completely and utterly miserable, “They should never have asked me, I’m not ready, I don’t know what I’m doing they were definitely yelling up the other trunk, it’s all over now”

Yolt turned on his way out the door, “that one should have been ‘barking up the wrong tree’, good luck, you’re going to need it with this track record.

Twift miserably finished his breakfast, slowly gathered his things, and slouched out the door, braced for the worst.

Story Slingers

two story prompts: use the following-- stammer, Pluto, hurl, situation, evaluate, column, tank, trolley, sprinkler, feelings, chicken, dinner, humbug, Sasquatch, 'it's not rocket science', 'call it a day', 'barking up the wrong tree', 'it ain't over till the fat lady sings', 'the whole nine yards', 'he's off his rocker'

Daren Flynn

MARCH 32nd 2023

It was to be one of those days. I knew it the moment I opened my eyes six o-clock the morning of that fateful day as I tried to focus on that infernal radio, clock alarm. Once again I wished I had not chosen that station with the announcer who spoke with a STAMMER because HE'S OFF HIS ROCKER, and was now proclaiming that IT AIN'T OVER TILL THE FAT LADY SINGS. He then started a song by Mamma Cass.

It was then that I bolted out of bed because at that exact moment in time the overhead SPRINKLER began, for who knows what reason, to spray me and everything in the bedroom with water. With FEELINGS of fear and trepidation, I began trying to EVALUATE the SITUATION while, at the same time pulling on my robe and rushing out the door.

My first step out the door was placed squarely on a tor TROLLEY which propelled me toward the precipice of the stairway with my arms flailing uncontrollably as I tried to keep from defending head first down the long flight of stairs. But it was not to be. I failed to get a hold of anything and tumbled head over tea kettle to the bottom where I came to an abrupt stop, cheek to jowl, with the kids over stuffed and over sized SASQUATCH, a gift to the boy on his birthday, which was jammed up against a COLUMN supporting the tv stand. Not only was I face to face with the ugly creature, but somehow I had managed to touch the talk button in the belly of the ape-like thing which caused it to begin playing one go the recorded messages with which it was equipped. So as I was in the process of untangling myself, as HAPPENSTANCE would have it, I was regaled with the not so comporting words of the monotone voice of that weird toy telling me that IT'S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE. Agitated as I was, I picked up the advice spewing toy and gave it a HURL across the room. Rocket science or not, I was finally able to untangle myself and make a run for the kitchen door which lead to the attached garage where the water shut-off was located. I hoped to get the water off before the house was completely flooded.Just as I was reaching for the valve handle, PLUTO our tiny Chihuahua scampered out from the behind the water storage TANK causing me to stumble and fall. Once againI found myself trying to unscramble my arms and legs and get back to an upright position, which after some effort, I accomplished. Oh, HUMBUG I said to myself and then grabbed the handle, I gave it a mighty tug and the flow of water throughout the house stopped. My next action was to do a self examination, THE WHOLE NINE YARDS, by which I determined that, somehow through it all, I was uninjured. 

The next thing I did was to call the plumber, to which I explained the events of the morning. After listening attentively, his rejoinder was and I quote, "You're BARKING UP THE WRONG TREE, call the electrician."

So I took his advice. I called the electrician and also the carpet cleaning company. Then I got to work and cleared as much of the water mess as I could. By then it was time to CALL IT A DAY and fix something to eat, because I felt like I was starving. Since the wife was away visiting her mother, DINNER was going to be microwaved CHICKEN nuggets.

Just as I had figured, it had been one of those days.

Not Rocket Science -- Rocker science

Colleen Holmquist

It was a practically perfect day—until I heard, “He's off his rocker!” I looked down in horror and watched the left-side rocker on my chair crumble. I scrambled to eject myself from the wreckage as quickly I could. But being a rocker short and off balance that didn’t end well. Instead, I skidded “the whole nine yards” on my backside, finally coming to rest teetering on the edge of the deck. Cautiously, wincing in pain, I crawled back to the safety of the floor boards and contemplated my situation.

I had determined to craft a rocking chair after a weak moment during a conversation with my sister in which I said a rocking chair design is so simple even I could do it. She shook her head and told me I was “barking up the wrong tree.” “What exactly was that supposed to mean?!”—She often malapropriates!—I snapped back at her. I followed that with a hearty “just you wait and see!” Still shaking her head, she walked out the door and down the walk with my—“it ain’t over till the fat lady sings!” refrain following her. Somewhere in there was an implicit invitation to come back later and view my rocking chair rendition. 

I embarked on the project immediately. A few days later, she happened to show up at a frustrating moment during construction and flippantly remarked, “it’s not rocket science.”  

Now, nursing a bruised rear end I was not so sure. 

But I was ready to “call it a day.”

Story Slingers

Myrna Flynn

October 8, 2023

Cliches' Collector

THe blazing headline of all the major newspapers, social media, radio stations and TV:  "Conrod Conwayt Has Vanished". (All of the media ended with call it a day.)

Conrod, the only known trillionaire, told his family several weeks ago that he was going on an around the globe trip to check on his holdings. They said goodbye and wished him a good journey. Then the phone calls started coming into his home office from all over the world, needing his advice and direction on how to take care of business.

Jeremy, his son and second in command, was frantic. He had not heard from his father since he walked out the door. He tried all the ways to reach his father he could think of, but had no luck. Then he decided he had been barking up the wrong tree. He remembered his dad had a ham radio. He went into his father's "off limits" room and found that radio and the antennas were gone. He stood in a quandary, then saw a letter and a key to the wall safe. The letter was an apology for leaving, saying that he had complete confidence in Jeremy's ability and training to carry on the business. Telling him where to find all the books and charts needed to guide and help him. Jeremy's first thought was, "he's off his rocker".

Conrod was driven by his true desire to go live the life he had dreamed of since he was a child of 10. He was still relatively young at 50. He knew his family would never understand and felt somewhat guilty but he had to go. 

He had found his spot 20 years ago when flying over the Bob Marshall Wilderness in his small single person helicopter. It was in-accessable any other way.

He bought a large helicopter that was used for logging and flew in the equipment and supplies he needed: and assembled a yurt for his living quarters. He put in a water system, and solar and wind powered electricity. It took him 30 years, using every minute he could squeeze out of his busy complicated existence.

Today he flew his small helicopter in loaded with all his needs for permanent residence, including his food and ham radio equipment. He would assemble his ham radio, stock his cupboards, then sit back and enjoy his solitude. The whole nine yards.

A message came in on his radio. He forgot that it ain't over until the fat lady sings. He decided not to respond, then guilt set in, so he picked up his headphones and quickly told whoever was calling that he would back with him tomorrow.